Taking Responsibility for our Anger Response

WHY DO WE GET SO ANGRY?

Anger is a strong emotional state which is the result of some other emotion such as frustration, disgust, shame or outrage and can range from a mild case of irritation to a full blown rage. Anger is a natural emotion and in its own right is not a threat, however it is our behavioural response to anger that could cause problems.

Anger does have a physical effect on the body which can result in the person reacting to something quite unthreatening in an aggressive, over the top way due to the adrenalin released into the blood stream. However we are responsible for how we manage our anger and cannot, as many individuals do, blame an event or individual for their weakness in failing to control their angry outbursts. We have to accept responsibility for our actions and if we change our anger response to a more positive assertive one, it can help us long term in our overall health, wellbeing and our approach to life.

Anger can be a very empowering force if dealt with in a positive and assertive way. It is our body’s way of telling us that someone or something has upset us and that we need to deal with whatever it is that has caused this distress. In short anger lets us know if we have been threatened in any way and acts as a warning to us.

For example, if you were treated disrespectfully by a colleague at work you may ignore the situation, causing stress later on or you could overreact and become aggressive, neither scenario being helpful to anyone. However by explaining assertively how their treatment upsets you and causes a strain on your working relationship you are dealing with your anger in a healthy and responsible way which is more likely to result in a positive outcome for both you and your colleague. Dealing with anger positively, rather than ignoring it can prevent depression and lead to a more successful and happier life.

In addition, anger’s natural response can help us cope with real threats. It is the core component of survival in humans and animals. Anger helps us cope with adversities in our life by giving us increased energy levels which help us to persist in overcoming problems in our lives.

For example if a colleague becomes abusive at work our automatic physiological response enables us to deal with the situation in a clearly as our mind and body becomes more alert and ready for action. However it is important to realise that we need to react in an assertive manner to bring some calm into the situation. Responding in an abusive manner will only inflame the situation more, making it less likely to reach a satisfactory conclusion. Furthermore by responding in a negative way you are condoning your colleague’s behaviour (lead by example) increasing the likelihood of them repeating their behaviour.

So what makes us angry or affects our anger response to a situation or individual? Well there are three variables which affect our response to an anger stimulus, from being mildly irritated by the slow driver in front or suffering ‘road rage’ in exactly the same situation.

The first variable is the cause of the actual hurt or frustration i.e. did someone unintentionally pull out in front of your car or did they ‘butt’ in causing you to slam your brakes on and then gesture offensively to you too? Of course you may have been irritated by the first incident or actually quite angry however the second incident would really test anyone’s level of patience and forgiveness.

The second variable is the level or extent of the frustration. You are informed that a colleague at work has informed your manager that you were late this morning and understandably you will be annoyed. However if you found out that they did it unintentionally you are far less likely to get upset about it as opposed to finding out they intentionally went behind your back to inform your manager. The incident itself has caused you upset but the ‘intent’ may cause you more upset.

The last variable is the actual probability of the stimuli happening. For example one expects excellent and efficient service here in a developed county and if the service we receive is less than perfect we feel quite within our rights to complain! However citizens in a developing country are less likely to complain at the likelihood of the service being anything near satisfactory as to them that is the ‘norm’.

However no matter what or who has caused our anger we need to accept responsibility for our response to it.  We all get angry – that’s normal but how we respond to it is in our hands and no one else’s. The more we respond to a situation that has made us angry in a calm and assertive manner, the more we are conditioning our behaviour to respond in a positive way. With persistence and over time, we can change a negative anger response to a more assertive one which then becomes a habit. After all we will only accomplish more by approaching any situation in a calm and cooperative manner and it is only fools who blame others for their relentless anger outbursts.