Temper is a Valuable Thing…don’t Lose It!

Though we should never lose temper but sometimes it becomes necessary to lose temper, if not lose, then at least need to show some temper and aggressiveness. For example, a leader never loses his temper except deliberately at the place and time of his choosing. He does so for some specific purpose, for example in order to achieve a specific aim or objective. It is generally seen that a wise and strong man never loses temper. Contrary to that only those who are emotionally weak and excitable, lose tempers easily and instantly!

A quick-tempered person will prove to be highly irritable and difficult to get along with. If your temper is aroused and you let the other fellow have it or tell him a thing or two or give him a piece of your mind, you may get a brief relief, obtain some satisfaction or even have a fine time unloading your pent up feelings.

But apart from this trifling and transient satisfaction, you will gain nothing tangible or useful. On the other hand, you will find your way to management seriously blocked because of your quick and sharp temper. You may tell off others all right, but you will never get what you want. You will never get their willing and wholehearted cooperation. You make a large number of enemies because of your sharp and uncontrolled temper and at every turn you will find these enemies seriously impeding your progress. Ultimately, you will find command and control slipping out of your hands.

When you get emotional and lose your temper, your reason and logic will take to flight. You are apt to say things that you really did not mean. You are prone to overstate or exaggerate. You may blurt out a lot of things which you know you should not disclose, A man under the grip of temper, invariably loses his self-control. Thus by losing your temper you are likely to incur a lot of trouble in addition to saying unpleasant, unwanted, unnecessary and incorrect things and thus losing friends and creating enemies around you.

Your ill temper only leads to criticism, heated arguments and verbal duels that end up with mutual recriminations and abuses. We have already seen that criticism and arguments can never win people to your side. Criticism evokes only counter-criticism and the other person clings to his views with greater determination. In this context, it is worth considering the wise words of Woodrow Wilson, He says: “If you come at me with your fists doubled, I think I can promise you that mine will be double as fast as yours; but if you come to me and say, 'Let us sit down and take counsel together,’ and if we differ from one another, understand why it is that we differ from one another, just what the points at issue are, we will presently find that we are not so far apart after all, that the points on which we differ are few and the points on which we agree are many and that if we only have the patience and the candor and the desire to get together, we will get together.

It doesn’t really matter in which part of the world we live in—may it be East or West. However, in older times people from Eastern countries were found to be tolerant and patient. But as commonly observed people get arrogant and egoistic when they get an authority, for example public administrative or law enforcement officers. However exceptions are always there.

We can see this admirable quality of keeping a cool head even in the face of worst provocations, on the part of our great Prime Minister, Mr. Rajiv Gandhi. On the political arena, when his opponents abuse him, he generally ignores them. He refuses to be provoked and tricked. Instead, he makes his plans in a calm and calculated manner and succeeds in turning the tables on his opponents. He practices the same virtue in dealing with international—personalities who also indulge in abusive and unparliamentary criticism.

In the words of Abraham Lincoln, "It is an old and true maxim that a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall." So with men. If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart, which, say what you will, is the great high road to his reason. If an individual's heart is burning with hatred, filled to the brim with ill feeling and rankling with hatred, he or she could never be persuaded to agree with all the logic and reasoning in the world.

Angry husbands, nagging wives, scolding teachers, agitating students, complaining workers and domineering bosses should realize that their unfriendly and hostile attitude would never make their opponents to change their views or shift their stands. To be a leader you have to win people to your way of thinking; you have to motivate others to cooperate with you; you have to make friends and avoid creating enemies.

If you really wish to become a successful professional, then you must understand that a sharp, unguarded, quick temper may cause you great harm and no good whatever. It makes you vulnerable and weak. You should, therefore, never give way to your temper. When you feel like telling a thing or two, check yourself. When you feel that your wife, children, parents, friends and colleagues have not done as they should have done, don't blow off your head instantly on the spot. It is equally bad to dash off strongly worded or abusive letters on an impulse.

On the other hand, exercise patience. Relax and smile. Try to understand why others have behaved in the way they have done. Put yourself in their shoes and ponder. Soon you will learn what had induced them to act in that way. You will know the cause or stimuli. You will at once know how you could make them act in the way you want them to act. And, then

Often, we are unable to take it out on our superiors. In most cases we just cannot afford to do so. Therefore, we try to take it out on our subordinates and dependants. If you observe an individual suffering from inferiority complex, you will find him behaving in exactly a similar manner. He will cringe before his boss, but unnecessarily jump over his subordinates and helpless dependants.

This hold equally true in personal as well as professional life. We know very well that an individual lacking self-confidence cannot establish himself as a firm leader. To become a successful leader, you must control your temper and guard your tongue. You must be objective and should not get excited. You must never act in haste. A smile and friendly approach will fetch you cooperation and success. Believe me folks; if you can follow these qualities in your life, then soon you will realize that you are on the journey of success. You will become a people magnet that no one would ever afford to lose you.

All the best and control yourself!