 |
You Will Get Sick If You Get Involved With Problems Of Others
Author: Ineke Van Lint  | Posted: 12-01-2007 | Comments: 0 | Views: 365 | Rating: (50)  (?) 
Let me give you a very effective recipe for getting sick as soon as possible: just go and try to fix problems of others, who often even did not ask for your help!
I am not kidding! Always trying to come up with solutions to problems that are not yours is a dangerous road to follow. Why is that? First, because you are dwelling in the energy field of another person, and you do not belong there. Second, because while being in the energy field of somebody else where you do not belong, you cannot be present in your own energy field. So you are making two mistakes at the same time.
Always ask yourself : whose problem is it anyway? If the answer is his or hers, then do not interfere! Never help when you have not been asked to help! We are talking about personal issues, of course, not about life threatening situations. When the house of your neighbor is burning down, you should immediately provide assistance. Or when someone has been hit by a car, then you should not first figure out whose problem it is. In cases like this you will instinctively help out.
But in all other situations, the rule is: keep out of problems that do not belong to you! Only if you are really longing to bear a huge load on your shoulders, only if you enjoy carrying heavy weights and having backaches, then indeed should you keep trying to resolve other ones problems. The golden rule for those who have the tendency to help too much is: do not help at all! Unless you are explicitly asked to help, AND if you feel like it! In all other cases you are not really helping the other, but you are interfering.
Most of the time helping someone is an excuse, so that you can keep busy and forget about the emptiness inside yourself. In this case you are using the other to fill your own emptiness. In other cases wanting to help may be a control mechanism. By helping the other you are actually eclipsing the life of the other one. How many mothers go on washing the clothes of their son even after he has turned thirty? How many mothers keep overshadowing the lives of their grown-up children? Mum should return to her own life and give her children some space to grow up and find out for themselves. If you are always by their side, always there helping out, then you are casting a shadow on their life, because you are blocking some of the sunlight. Make way and let them bask in the sun without interference.
Do not help, unless help is asked for and you really feel like lending a hand. Do not propose to help, but let the other ask you. If you are offering help all the time, then you are preventing others from having their necessary and valuable learning experience: they must learn how to resolve problems by themselves. They must learn how to generate energy by themselves. If you are always around, they will never bother to find a creative solution to their problems, because you are keeping them from becoming more mature and independent.
Some people always interfere with the business of others, under the guise of helping out. But there are also people who always look for others to help them out, rather than doing it themselves. If people, even those people close to you, are always waiting for you to help them out, then say no if you feel they should get out of this mess by themselves. This sounds rather harsh, I know. However, letting your teenagers or grown-up children struggle to resolve their issues by themselves, is an act of love! Your heart may be hurting for the time being, but you also know that if you let them handle things by themselves, they will learn the most valuable lesson there is: I can do this all by myself!
So step aside, and let them discover their own inner strength. Observe, watch, be at the ready for if things get out of hand, but don?t interfere. To say it cruelly: it is not your problem, it is theirs! Your heart may be bleeding, but do not pay the rent for your 25 year old son. Let him look for a job by himself. Do not give him a job at the same bank where daddy is working! That would be too easy, and you would be confirming his idea that daddy is always around to fill in the blanks. No! Son dear should learn to fill in the blanks himself. If he has to work a job in the factory to be able to pay the bills at the end of the month, then let him do so. Even if it hurts you watching this play out, and even if it is hard on him as well.
Do not take this important learning opportunity away from him! Loving is not the same as helping. Stepping aside is much more an act of love than always being right there to do whatever it is you think they cannot!
Their self-esteem grows with the ability to resolve problems all by themselves. Do not take this opportunity away from them. Ask yourself : whose problem is it? You are NOT the one to resolve the problems of your children! Let them do it! Let them feel what life is really about, and let them feel the satisfaction of being able to find their own solutions.
Do not get involved in problems of others. Your boss, colleagues, husband, mother-in-law, friends and children, let them all find their own solutions. Their problems belong to them, not to you! The appropriate solutions have to come from them, not from you! This way you will save a lot of energy enabling you to move on with your own life. Trying to resolve problems that do not belong to you is an express-ticket to severe fatigue and depression! You do not have to interfere, and you should not. Give everyone the freedom to resolve his own problems. And you? Resolve your own! You have noproblems? Thank God for that! Now go on and LIVE!
Rate this Article:
Current: 0 / 5 stars - 0 vote(s).
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/stress-management-articles/you-will-get-sick-if-you-get-involved-with-problems-of-others-91516.html
About the Author:Written by Ineke Van Lint, psychologist. My goal is to help you achieve success and happiness. Accomplish your mission on earth and love yourself. Two free e-courses at http://www.theenthusiasm.com
|
Submitting articles has become one of the most popular means of generating quality backlinks and targeted traffic to your website. Join us today - It's Free! |
|
Related Articles
Don't Get Involved in Other People's Problems Or You'll Get Sick
By: Ineke Van Lint | 23/09/2006 | Stress Management
Let me give you a very effective recipe for "getting sick as soon as possible": just go and try to fix other people's problems! I'm not kidding! Always trying to come up with solutions to problems that aren't yours is a dangerous road to follow. Always ask yourself, "Whose problem is it anyway?" If the answer is "his" or "hers," then do not interfere! Never help when you have not been asked to help!
Parenting With Love and Limits
By: Chantel Seabrook | 14/10/2006 | Relationships
Read how setting limits with your children is one of the most important ways of showing your love for them.
Residual Income Work at Home
By: Ioannis Mitrou | 13/05/2008 | Business
A Solution That Takes Care Of Everything.
Today's Child
By: Deanne Urquhart | 02/04/2008 | Spirituality
‘They are always mean to me and I didn’t even do anything wrong.’ As the tears welled up in his eyes, the words came from a broken six-year-old boy named Jaxon. He had spent a week of his school holidays with his Grand parents and came home to his mother with a shattered heart. His expectations of having an amazing time with the Grandparents he frequents only once a year turned into a nightmare.
But Mom! I Hate School
By: Jan Hayner | 21/07/2006 | Education
Children that have problems learning don't want to go to school because they feel inferior, it causes stress, they are picked on for not being smart enough and a host of other problems. Help them to identify why they are having trouble and you will both benefit.
5 Tips on How to Solve the Problems
By: Ann Liu | 10/03/2008 | Self Improvement
Did you feel like you had exhausted all possible options and yet are still before the mountain - large, unconquerable, and impregnable?
Does Your Child Suffer From Autism?
By: Don Mckay | 04/03/2006 | Health
As parents we all want to believe that our children are perfect and we want the very best for them. How would you feel if you learned that your child suffered from Autism? As a parent of three children I am still in denial after learning that my youngest
Safe Natural Treatments for Head Lice
By: Wayne Mcdonald | 13/04/2006 | Health
Lice are highly contagious and it is extremely important that they are eliminated as fast and completely as possible. Here are tips and remedies for safe and effective treatment for head lice.
Got a Question? Ask.
Ask the community a question about this article:
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I get my 2 year old son to eat better? He ...
By: tapoutqueen | 23-10-2007
How can I get my 2 year old son to eat better?He is a very fussy eater and prefers drinking milk to eating. He has cereal for breakfast which he doesn't always eat. The rest of the day is a battle of wills to get him to eat something.He has now started to refuse to eat foods he used to enjoy. All he will eat(sometimes)is pasta with cheese sauce, chips, beans on toast, fromage frais and Marmite sandwiches.Today he has only eaten a couple of spoonfuls of cereal and milk. He has refused everything else. Any suggestions?
English/American democracy?
By: Jacoba | 23-10-2007
Which democrecy is better the English one or the American one?
Mom Gets Arrested when Son Calls the Police
By: aran | 23-10-2007
A woman ( Paulette Lynn Spears of Minnehaha, Vancouver) got arrested when her son called 911 because he was afraid she's driving drunk. This was not the first time...As a mother, do you applaud this behavior of the child?Will you reprimand him?Reward him?
Bobby Jindal and the Indian minority in the US
By: Muffler | 21-10-2007
Bobby Jindal is a Republican and a son of immigrants from India. Is the Indian minority in the US mostly Democratic or Republican?
What's holding back a person
By: nazy | 18-10-2007
What's holding back a person..when he ought o move forward in his life??
How do I explain to my 3 year old child that the ...
By: mjoyce_2001 | 17-10-2007
how do I explain to my 3 year old child that the skin color of a person does not matter, that the person is what matters?
Q&A Powered by: 
Latest Stress Management Articles
“i Gotta” or “i Wanna”?
By: Dr. Noelle Nelson | 02/09/2008
When you look at your life as an unending series of “I gotta,” all you see are obligations, and obligations are the opposite of freedom. It’s as if you mentally imprisoned yourself within the tight confines of duty, with no breathing room for inspiration or joy. Instead, take a step back, and look at the bigger picture.
The Right Way of Touch : Touch Meditation
By: Vijay kumar Raisinghani | 02/09/2008
We can develop a relationship of love with our body using a Beautiful Tantric Meditation called Touch Meditation or Sparsh Meditation. Each session of Touch Meditation takes us for a trip to heaven, the heaven which is our own body. Little did we know that watching our own body could be such a rewarding experience.
How to Cope With Stress in the Workplace
By: Debbie Denison | 02/09/2008
Stress at work can be positive or negative. Negative stress affects your mental or physical health. There are several things you can do both at work and outside of work which can reduce stress levels.
How to Deal With Difficult People Without Going Insane
By: Bo Sanchez | 01/09/2008
More than 300 comments! Many of them emotional. Pained. Smudged with tears.
“bite-size It!”
By: Bo Sanchez | 01/09/2008
It’s The Secret of Champions.
10 Internal Pathways to Personal Peace
By: Cynthia Legette Davis | 01/09/2008
If you want peace in your life, you can have it, but you have to go inside to get it. Inside is where your real power is because it’s where you connect with your greater self. Inside is where you make the choices. Inside is where making a difference begins.
Do You Have Stinking Thinking - the Power of Words?
By: Carla McNeil | 31/08/2008
Little did I know that my words could be so powerful. Have the promise of changing my life and make me a happier person in the process. This is actually what has happened to me since I started watching my words! Just like mama used to tell me "mind your P's and Q's". Read on for three specific tips how you can "get this happenin' in your life."
Dealing With Stress
By: Michael Malega | 30/08/2008
Take a look at Dealing With Stress article to find tips, recommendations and other related data about Dealing With Stress topic...
More from Ineke Van Lint
Your Perfect Day, How Would it Be?
By: Ineke Van Lint | 28/07/2008 | Self Help
The perfect day of your life, how would it look like? How far away do you think you are from this perfect day? What can you do to make this perfect day reality? Let's find out by doing the following exercice!
The right side of your brain has retained the image...
What Is Your Calling?
By: Ineke Van Lint | 02/10/2007 | Health
Your calling is not merely a job or a profession, but it means your highest purpose on earth.
Does everyone has a calling or is it just for the "chosen", the "elite"? Yes! And is everyone else doomed to live a mediocre life of quiet desperation? No!
Luckily our Universe is not...
Your Personal Happiness Formula : Create Happiness on Purpose
By: Ineke Van Lint | 22/09/2007 | Motivational
In this article I will help you to discover your own secret success formula, so you can create your own magic moments on purpose. Your life may seem difficult, heavy and meaningless now, but you too you have your own success formula. Learn how to discover it in this article!
It Is Your Job To Live Your Real Life
By: Ineke Van Lint | 08/05/2007 | Advice
Your life is designed for only you. Do not waste it by trying to live up the demands of others and automatically repeating the roles others designed for you. Your life is yours. It is up to you to live it. It is your responsibility to live it at your terms. It is your job to unfold your true nature.
Ten Steps to Electrifying Enthusiasm
By: Ineke Van Lint | 28/03/2007 | Motivational
Enthusiasm is the highest level of energy we can experience as human beings here on earth. Discovering your passion is the first step towards excitement and enthusiasm. I present to you ten steps to help you unfold your excitement so you can join the enthusiasts on this planet!
Follow Your Dream, It Is The Meaning Of Your Life!
By: Ineke Van Lint | 28/03/2007 | Advice
Your dream is the reason for the way you are. Your dream is not a coincidence. Your dream IS who you are. You SHOULD pursue it!
Nine Characteristics of Enthusiastic People
By: Ineke Van Lint | 17/02/2007 | Motivational
Enthusiasm is passion. Enthusiasm is a divine energy you will feel as a reward for pursuing your dreams and staying on your own path. An enthusiastic person has deciphered the secret code of his soul. And he receives the corresponding gifts: a great deal of enthusiasm, an extraordinary creativity and deep satisfaction.
What You Condemn Or Admire In Others Talks About You
By: Ineke Van Lint | 22/01/2007 | Motivational
What you do not have inside yourself, you can not see in others! What you condemn or detest in others are your own qualities that you do not want to face, but that you should be working at.
|
|
Self Improvement 
