Peer Pressure & Your Teenage Daughter

If His Eyes Look like Two Cherries in a Glass of Buttermilk, He Might be a Weedhead

Mom, the potheads that parked at the top of the parking lot when we were in high school are not parking there today. The potheads of today may be parking their cars closer to you than you think.

"The Secrets to Having the Teenage Daughter you Actually Like" with Dr. Cheryl Guy

You may want to look in your own garage. That's a hard pill to swallow, but it is true. Avoiding the "bad crowd" was much easier when we knew who they were by their looks and reputation. Today, it is not so easy to identify who the drug users are.

Teenagers and peer pressure is much more difficult to steer clear of when they are cheering next to one on the cheerleading squad and dance line. Girls are trading sex for drugs underneath their parent's noses and they look just like your own daughter. How did we ever get here?

Teenagers need to be taught from a very early age to stand firm in their beliefs and be prepared to stand alone at times. During a group counseling session with three girls, I listened as they expressed great distress over feeling as if they were viewed as outcasts at their school. They had chosen to stick together and resist the peer pressures of alcohol, drugs, and sex. These were three very beautiful girls who were questioning their decision to resist these pressures and temptations because of their lack of a "normal" social life. I tend to talk very straight and direct so I didn't mince words as I described what society sees as "normal and socially acceptable". At the end of my description I advised them that the day they openly decided to bypass the act of sex and partying, was the day many guys wrote them off of their black book list. Partying and engaging in pre-marital sex seems to be the direction many unsuspecting teenage girls and boys have chosen. I oftentimes advise my own daughters that all guys have a penis, and the majority of them desire to use their penises as many times as they can as they advance through high school. Mothers of sons, hold on before you heat up the keys sending me emails. I too have a son who happens to be twelve years old. I expect him to have the same feelings other teenage guys have. He will certainly have a desire to use his penis as many times as he can while in high school, but he must be in a constant state of self-control if he wishes to fight the urges that naturally come with raging hormones.

Today's times requires blunt force discussions about the dangers of teenage drinking, teenage drug abuse, and teenage sex. Allowing yourself to be in situations where your guard is impaired and let down offers up the gamut of possible problems. As a mother and counselor, I will never say "It would never happen to one of my daughters." It could just as easily happen to mine as yours. I am not naive enough to think that I have perfect children. I actually think I have very normal children who can be as easily influenced as the next. There is never a day that goes by where I am not using something that I learn to equip my family with more protection. That is what all mothers can do. Protect your family by gaining information and teaming up with each member as you fight for their safety. Peer pressure is hard to resist because the media makes it look so pretty. Teenage sex is not pretty though. Sexually transmitted diseases are not pretty. Unwanted pregnancies are not pretty either. Each situation can put much stress on a family.

I have counseled many teens as they are involved in sexual relationships, but one really stuck out. There was a particular fourteen year old girl who was engaging in a sexual relationship with her boyfriend. I told her that the act of sex can have several negative unintended outcomes; outcomes that a fourteen year old would have absolutely no comprehension of. I advised her of the emotional impact the sexual relationship could have on her at such a young age. As a maturing teenager, she was losing her own identity and becoming entwined with her boyfriend. This was taking her parent's role of protecting her out of their hands. She was allowing her boyfriend to have a connection and bond with her that emotionally there was no way she could be ready for. Her emotional growth and maturity was being stunted and delayed as long as she continued to have this sexual relationship. My concern for her was not necessarily the physical act that was wrong, but the emotional and psychological impact that was going on and she was totally oblivious to its effects on her. Far too often we get so caught up as parents in the discussion of the act of sex being wrong until marriage and we forget to go further with the deeper scars that can form as a result as well.

The peer pressures teens face are still the same today as they were in our day, it is simply so much easier to get caught into the web the spiders spin today as they catch their prey. We now have cell phones, the internet, reality  T.V., The Hills episodes, ipods, and much more to serve as constant reminders of the "fun and excitement" that is right at their fingertips.

Teach your daughter to be stronger than the peer pressures that they will certainly face every day of their life.