Dr. Leslie Seppinni is a licensed Marriage Family Therapist (LMFT) and Doctor of Clinical Psychology, (Psy.D) practicing in Beverly Hills. In all her work Dr. Leslie utilizes her Excuse Free Living philosophy, with its emphasis on “The 4 C’s: Curiosity, Conviction, Courage and Commitment” as her cornerstone. Her Excuse Free Living Philosophy comes from her personal true rags to riches life story, her work as psychotherapist, and a Crisis Intervention Specialist.
I was recently asked on Twitter how to motivate a lazy teenager. I will keep my answer short and direct. They live in your house and therefore follow your rules. When they live in their own house that they pay for, they can then make their own rules. Until that day comes, it’s best to follow the classic sentiment, “forget about it”. Compromise comes only when you are addressed respectfully and they conduct their own behavior appropriately. Otherwise, they have to live by your parenting bill of rights.
If they want their TV, cell phone, internet, iPod, car, and all other niceties that you may allow them, they must operate under your direction. They must do their chores, get a part-time job, or do both in order to pay for their monthly bills generated by the aforementioned goods and services. Take it all away until they earn it. You lose your power when you argue or repeat your request and/or demand over and over. You only need to tell them once, then the second time becomes their warning. If there is no response, and no action from the teenager then YOU take immediate action. At this point, there will not be any further discussion.
They’ll act out at first. You’ll hear the tell-tale slam of their bedroom door, yelling or a tantrum but they will quickly change when they realize that you are indeed serious. Kids want structure. They lose respect for you when you do not provide structure and rules. They may protest, but in the end they are thankful that you care.
Have an Excuse Free Day!
Dr. Leslie
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