Jewish Jokes 4

Death of an Infant in Oaxaca, Mexico

By: Alvin Starkman | 26/09/2008 | Exotic Locations
Rituals surrounding death, dying and mourning, while culture-specific, often have many elements in common. This look at death of an infant in very Catholic Oaxaca, presents a comparative analysis with traditions of Conservative Jews in Canada.

Bar Mitzvah Invitations: What is the Appropriate Wording for Bar Mitzvah Invitations?

By: Jeff Fain | 16/10/2008 | Religion
If you're not sure what to write on your Bar Mitzvah invitations, you're not alone. A majority of Jewish parents are embarrassed that they just don't know where to begin when it comes to the wording on their invitations. Armed with the sample wording selections and attendant tips below, you'll have a heads-up over your friends and colleagues at synagogue.

Leaving Egypt for Good: the Inner Power of Passover

By: Shifra Hendrie | 14/04/2008 | Religion
On the fifteenth of the Hebrew month of Nissan, Jews around the world will sit together with family and friends. On the seder night, we celebrate our liberation from slavery in Egypt, our redemption and freedom.

Shalom, I am Rabbi Jonathan Ginsburg. This is the fourth in my series of my favorite Jewish jokes. First one is not they were happy about anybody died but it kind of telling you about the feelings about the President of Iran today. An aircraft in the middle east flown by Iran and carrying the Iranian national color signals the world that they are in distress. One of their engines, one of their engines they want to land anywhere but the pilot says specifically we do not want any assistance from Israel. And no one respond. And then few minutes later he says what we really in distress now, two of our plane engines have failed and we want assistance from anyone in the world except Israel.

Few minutes later, a third engine failed and he says well we are now completely in distress and we are only in one engine so we will leave and take out from Israel. Suddenly hears a response back, this is airport radio Televiv responding to your distress call. The Iranians says ?please thank you for calling do you have any help you can offer us?? And the person on that Televiv radio says ?repeat after me, [Foreign language] Second Joke, fellow as I am going to bet to his dog and a guy recognizes it as a very cute dog and man says ?this is really a very special dog, it is very Jewish?. Fellow, bet its one Jewish when he mean is Jewish as we watch this, Kippah. So the dog runs over to him and takes out pulls out a Talis bag from under the man?s chair, pulls a our a kippah from it and with proper tie he is had. The man watches and that is amazing, so the owner says that is nothing watch this thaslas. So he reaches on the thalas bag, the dog with his cloth, takes it out and smuggle under it until it is over his shoulders.

And then the man says that is really something and then the others less watch his dog in. The dog stands up in two posts it means against chair and start shackling and barking. So this dog is amazing, you should take this dog in television, you should show him to the world, he is phenomenal. The owner says, yes you try to adore them he wants to be a doctor. Third Joke, the elderly British couple wins the lottery and they have many great amounts of money and they buy a beautiful home and they want to be very fancy. They buy Rolls Royce and all the luxury items and they hire a very formal British butler. One day they say to him listen, please set the table we were bringing over the cones for dinner and when we come back we hope everything will be ready.

So when they came back and they see that the table is set of eight, they say to the butler did not understand us. We said we will be bringing the cones for dinner. The butler said yes but the cones called and said they are also bringing the crap locks and the blinses. Next joke, Bill Gates puts out an announcement that he going to hire one guy to run a certain division, top division to Microsoft in Europe. There are 5,000 applicants including 1 elder Jewish guy from Tunisha. So Bill Gates first of all says ?okay of all of you, how many of you know the Java Script?? So with that 2,000 get up and leaved. Left is 3000. Then he says ?okay, how many of you have managed a company with at least a hundred people?? with that, another 2,000 people get up and leaved. So there is 4000 left. Then he says, alright? how many of you have now the expertise in a particular area?? and with that another 500 leaved. And finally he says? how many of you speak Serbo Croatia?? so with that 498 got to leave and there is only 2 guys left in this position and one of them is this Tunisian guy, elderly Tunisian guy. Bill Gates said I am hiring 2 people so you two are the only two left so if you both speak Serbo Croatian then you will be hired since you meet the other qualifications. Now this Tunisian guy never knew Java, he did not know he never managed anybody he did make the third qualification the figures out that he have to lose. So now, Bill Gates said it is okay. So now speak to each other in several corrosions since you both know it. So the elderly from Tunisia says [Foreign language] the other guy says [Foreign language]. Bill Gates said I both must know Serbo Croatian you are both hired.

The final joke for this video, an elderly man writes a letter to his son and says son you know every year I grew up potatoes in my back yard and you know the ground is very hard and the summer has been dry and the ground is just too tough for me and I am too old. I will not able to grow potatoes this year. So the son writes back and says ?dad whatever you do, do not dig up the garden that is where I planted the money and the stocks.? So with that the next day the FBI rose in and they come on to the backyard and with big diggers and hose, they dig up the whole backyard and they do not find anything and then leaved. And so the old man wrote to his son and says? Son you would not believe what happen, today the FBI came and they tore up my whole backyard and the son said I know dad, now you got your back yard all holed and ready for your potatoes go plant them. We will figure out something for next year.

I got one more for you. Old Lady Jewish lady goes to court. Divorce court, she says to the Judge? Judge I want a divorce? He says man how old are you? She says?90?. How long you have been married? She said?65 years? The Judge said to her lady, you have been married 65 years and why you want to have a divorce?? and she said? Enough is enough.?