Women and Drinking

How could this be me? This is the question most women find themselves asking as they realize they have a drinking or drug problem. Usually this question arises after many difficult experiences including: drinking and driving, getting a DUI, physical injuries/accidents, blackouts, sexual encounters that would not have happened sober, poor work performance, hangovers, a run-down immune system, shame, self-loathing, etc. Unfortunately, alcohol and drug problems do not announce themselves directly, and one of the primary features of these problems is the ability to deny and rationalize them away, even after repeated negative consequences that are clearly related to drinking or using
Did you know that women are the fastest growing segment of substance abusers in the US? That substance disorders in women are under-recognized and under-treated? That virtually all drugs including alcohol are far more damaging to women's bodies than men's? That women experience more social disapproval for their alcohol use? That alcoholic women are more stigmatized than men? That women with substance use problems are more likely than men to have experienced trauma and to have higher rates of concurrent psychiatric problems? If you have this problem, then you may know that these statements are true.

More questions arise. How do I know if I have a problem? What do I do to get help? How can I battle the demon of denial-(it's not that bad, I can just have a few, I'll deal with this tomorrow.)?  How can I battle the demons of shame and self-loathing-(I'm a miserable idiot, why can't I just stop/drink normally like everyone else, what could I have said or done during my black-out.)?  

Most people have heard about Alcoholic's Anonymous, and many of you reading this may have already tried it. AA used to be more of a men's club, but that has certainly changed as more women admit to themselves that they have a problem and begin the journey of recovery. In my career as a therapist (over 30 years!) I have seen many women get help and recover through AA. It doesn't always "stick" on the first try, and most people have had slips and relapses to prove this. Sometimes the structure of a treatment program is needed to bring in safety and stability. Sometimes it's the old adage "ninety meetings in ninety days". And if you want a support group only for women, check into Women for Sobriety.

If you are a woman who has experienced abuse as a child or are/have been in an abusive relationship, then psychotherapy in addition to AA or other support groups can be very helpful. This is because trauma is often the culprit behind the drinking and using. Trauma or abuse can cause you to feel angry with yourself, feel helpless, feel empty and alone. This is especially true if no one was/is there to protect you from the abuse, or if it was known about but ignored or shoved under the rug. Drinking and using can be a way of self-soothing and self-medicating, except that it will ultimately boomerang and become another source of problems for you.

As women, we need to understand how to stop abuse from happening to the next generations. We need to say "no" more and learn how to face our pain with compassion and support. If you are asking yourself the question at the top of this post, (how could this be me?) then take a deep breath, and reach out for some assistance.