Honoree Zilla – When the Honoree Takes Control of the Plans

An offer to host a baby shower or a bridal shower is a gracious offer. After all, planning a shower is time consuming and costly. When you have to deal with an Honoree Zilla (like a Bride Zilla) you will have some problems.

Unfortunately, the ‘Zilla affect’ does not appear until after she has accepted your offer to host a shower and the planning process has begun. She wants everything her way, or not at all. She may ask for items that exceed your budget, ask for specific items that you have to spend hours finding, or ask for items that you do not feel are right.

Here are some suggestions:

You must set a budget. One of the biggest costs will be your venue choice. Showers held at restaurants, clubhouses, tearooms, etc. are costly. Therefore, you might say:

Mary, I would love to host a shower for you in my home. I have these 3  ____________dates available. This way she will know that the shower is to be in your home (not     an expensive venue) and she will have 3 dates to choose from.

Your honoree may now accept your offer to host her shower in your home on one of the 3 dates, or she can say no thank you. Settle the date and location up front before problems can occur. If she declines your offer, be content with knowing that you will be attending a shower that someone else hosts for a few hours, rather than planning one for months.

When you are dealing with a relative or close friend, you want to meet their wishes and make the party meaningful and memorable. However, if you keep asking her what she wants, you may not like what you hear. Then you have to back pedal and that can prove to be difficult. Here is a suggestion:

Mary, I would like a couple of things from you. After that, I am taking it from _____________there. I want to surprise you, so you can’t ask too many questions.

* Mary, after speaking with your closest family members, we will determine which date is best. I will definitely need the date confirmed and a complete guest list by _____.
* Where have you registered? I will need this information by _____.
* For a baby shower ask, Does your nursery have a theme, or color scheme?
* For a Bride ask, Does the wedding have a specific theme?

This will give your honoree a need-by date to work towards with the guest list and registry information. By asking themes, and color schemes, you will have an idea for a theme for your shower. You should be able to do everything else on your own.

Plan and offer choices, such as date and time, but know your limits. It is perfectly acceptable to say that something is simply out of your budget. Your offer to host the shower and your efforts should meet with gratitude, not “I want, I want, I want”.