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Silent Martyrs: Why Women Earn Less Than Men
 Communication fundis estimate that women get through about 20 000 expressions in a day but men only work their way through some 7000-odd. Given these numbers, one would expect that women could constructively employ some of these words to ask for what they want and these utterances could be backed by an array of assertive expressions. Although women’s liberation has been around for over 150 years, even the thought of having to be demanding suddenly transforms some talkative women into the ‘females of the speechless’. This is one of the primary reasons women earn less than men. In the US, researchers claim that if a male and female professional start at a salary of $35 000, over their careers, the man will earn $2 million more because he negotiates every salary increase. Too often women appear to be grateful for the crumbs they are left and even high powered female execs fall into this trap. Many businesswomen in senior positions don’t seem too perturbed that their salaries are not on par with their male counterparts. Even the head of a department told me that she had declined an annual increase in favour of her male subordinates sharing her department’s allocation. When I asked her why she had done this, she cackled at her own inability to find a reasonable reason. Settling is not something that comes naturally to women; it is a symptom of the learnt self-sacrificing behaviour that is so ingrained in females that many even consider it noble. But what’s so noble about exhaustion, struggling against poverty or smiling sweetly in the wings while others perform centre-stage to get what they want? No matter how much one sacrifices, life doesn’t reward quiet, pretty little martyrs. It only coughs up for those who know what they want and are prepared to go out and get it. Feeling that one doesn’t deserve success, riches or even happiness is purely a side-effect of the scam of self-sacrifice and it can extend to life’s minutiae. Have you noticed how women usually leave the last cookie or muffin on a serving plate? So if we’re prepared to sacrifice ourselves over something as insignificant as a drooping scone, it’s no wonder females suffer from depression. The notion of being demanding is something women approach with ambivalence because the idea of being hell-bent on getting what one wants rubs up against the life-long belief that female power comes from being liked. For men the ’likeability factor’ has little impact, somehow it’s both expected and accepted that at some point he’s going to behave like an ass. Although many women are tough, the belief lives on that the fairer-sex should be nice and in the UK, a toning down programme has been launched for ‘Bully Broads’. This programme teaches ball-breakers to be ‘ladies first’. When putting ideas forward, it encourages strong women to speak softly, to hesitate or stammer and, if necessary, to cry in meetings. One can only presume that this behaviour softens the blow real women deliver when truly speaking their minds afterwards. Of course bullies of either gender are tiresome, but instead of training women to go backwards it would be more helpful for females to become masterful negotiators. True negotiation produces a ‘win –win’ solution and for anyone wanting to get their own way, it is the most powerful means of doing so. Men often scupper female negotiators by accusing them of over-reacting or being emotional. This underhand male habit can derail a female opponent, so women need to learn to counteract this form of stone-walling. Blatantly pointing out to him that his tactic is geared towards deflecting attention from the real issues is usually enough to put the kibosh on this line of manipulation. The biggest drawback females have in negotiation is our penchant for nattering. If a successful outcome is what you want, keep one imperative in mind; whoever talks the most will lose. So instead of justifying your stance, ask lots of awkward questions and let your opponent babble away, giving you time to do the thinking. To enhance one’s negotiation skills it’s always worth remembering what the Roman playwright, Seneca, once remarked: ‘When I think over what I’ve said, I envy dumb people.’
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Article Tags: Communication, Negotiation, Assertiveness, Self-sacrifice, Bully Broads, Salary Parity Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/women's-issues-articles/silent-martyrs-why-women-earn-less-than-men-492051.html About the Author:
Stephanie Vermeulen runs seminars on Applied Emotional Intelligence and Women's Issues in business and public forums as well as being an inspiring speaker, writer and personal coach. Her books, 'Kill the Princess: Why Women Still Aren’t Free from the Quest for a Fairytale Life'(USA) / ‘Stitched-up: Who Fashions Women’s Lives?’ (South Africa) & ‘EQ: Emotional Intelligence for Everyone’ are available from leading bookstores and online from Amazon.com and Kalahari.net. She can be contacted via her website http://www.eqsa.co.za.
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