 |
Obama is Selling Drugs?
Author: David Bowman  | Posted: 28-03-2008 | Comments: 0 | Views: 29 | Rating: (51)  (?) 
 Editors like reading. Not only do we learn about new topics, but also the writing sometimes amuses us. I was recently reading an interesting article on RealClearPolitics.com and came across this amusing, yet perplexing, sentence.
She will now be free to have lunch with Billy Shaheen, the unpaid Clinton adviser (and spouse of former New Hampshire Gov. and now Senate candidate Jeanne Shaheen) who was forced to resign when he speculated about how the Republicans might use rumors that Obama had both used and sold drugs in a general election campaign.
[http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2008/03/nasty_twists_in_democratic_rac.html]
Obama is selling drugs? According to this sentence, someone is spreading rumors that presidential candidate Obama has been using and selling drugs while campaigning--not as a youth, not some time before his presidential campaign, but actually while he has been running for the presidency. I assume that this is not true, but that is what the sentence says.
The sentence says, "...rumors that Obama had both used and sold drugs in a general election campaign." Like most readers, we tend to think that a phrase describing an action is linked to the most recent verb. Thus, the phrase "in a general election campaign" seems to refer to when Obama "used and sold drugs." Most likely, the phrase "in a general election campaign" is supposed to refer to
1. when Shaheen speculated about how Republicans will use the rumor, or
2. when the Republicans will use the rumor.
I really don't know which interpretation is correct. This sentence is not clear.
To be fair, I like this website, and the writer is a good one. The article, with the exception of this sentence, was well written. The problem is that she tried to put too much information in one sentence and lost the meaning of what she was writing. Too much information is between the phrase "in a general election campaign" and the action it is describing, whichever one it is.
We have an editing strategy that fixes this problem. Our strategy is to find the words and phrases that describe an action and place them as closely as possible to the action they describe. When we apply this strategy, the following two revisions result.
1. She will now be free to have lunch with Billy Shaheen, the unpaid Clinton adviser(and spouse of former New Hampshire Gov. and now Senate candidate Jeanne Shaheen) who was forced to resign when he speculated in a general election campaign about how the Republicans might use rumors that Obama had both used and sold drugs. [Describes when Shaheen made the speculation]
2. She will now be free to have lunch with Billy Shaheen, the unpaid Clinton adviser (and spouse of former New Hampshire Gov. and now Senate candidate Jeanne Shaheen) who was forced to resign when he speculated about how the Republicans might use in a general election campaign the rumors that Obama had both used and sold drugs. [Describes when the Republicans might use the rumor]
Both of these sentences would benefit from further revision, but at least they no longer claim that Obama is using and selling drugs while out kissing babies and shaking hands--much to our relief and, we assume, to Obama's.
Rate this Article:
Current: 0 / 5 stars - 0 vote(s).
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/writing-articles/obama-is-selling-drugs-372188.html
About the Author:David Bowman is the owner and chief editor of Precise Edit, a comprehensive editing, proofreading, and document analysis service for authors, students, and businesses. Precise Edit also offers a variety of other services, such as translation, transcription, and website development. Click">http://preciseedit.com”\">Click here for more information about Precise Edit’s services.
|
Submitting articles has become one of the most popular means of generating quality backlinks and targeted traffic to your website. Join us today - It's Free! |
|
Related Articles
Sexist Language and Bad Grammar
By: David Bowman | 12/11/2007 | Copywriting
In their attempts to remove sexist language from their writing, many writers use bad grammar or produce poor writing. Fortunately, you can fix these problems.
Sentence Fragments With Conjunctions: be a Rebel
By: David Bowman | 22/10/2007 | Article Writing
Incorrect use of conjunctions can create sentence fragments. Once you know the rules, you can decide when to break them.
Writing, Editing, and Proofreading
By: David Bowman | 09/11/2007 | Copywriting
Writing, editing, and proofreading require different skills. What are those unique skills? What is the role of editing services?
Ending Sentences With Prepositions
By: David Bowman | 07/01/2008 | Writing
Ending sentences with prepositions: should you or shouldn’t you? The answer is “maybe.” This article explains why.
Three Pesky Comma Errors
By: David Bowman | 11/03/2008 | Article Writing
Commas are confusing, and most writers are a little insecure about using them. This article explains their most common uses to help your write more professionally.
Everyone Loves Being Single
By: David Bowman | 10/07/2008 | Article Writing
Everyone is single. In the same way that married people try to "hook up" their single friends, many writers try to make "everyone" plural. It's single and should stay that way.
Building Better Paragraphs
By: David Bowman | 21/09/2007 | Article Writing
Whether you write poetry or nonfiction, short stories or articles, you need to pay attention to paragraph structure. The paragraph is the basic vehicle for communicating your ideas. Effective paragraphs focus on one central idea and lead the reader to the point you are trying to make, cohesively and logically.
Effect Vs. Affect
By: David Bowman | 10/01/2008 | Writing
“Effect” and “Affect” may sound similar, but they have very different meanings. Knowing which to use is a sign of being a professional writer.
Got a Question? Ask.
Ask the community a question about this article:
Q&A Powered by: 
Latest Writing Articles
Ebook Writing Using Time Management And Organization
By: Connie Ragen Green | 21/08/2008
If you are writing an eBook, you may be tempted to let your work space begin to get cluttered. Even though we may joke about clutter and productivity, the truth is that you can accomplish much more if you are neat and organized.
9 Increasing Reasons to Write a Book and Explode Your Service Business Profits
By: Earma Brown | 21/08/2008
Have you considered writing a short book to increase your service business? Perhaps you are like most of us before taking the leap of faith, you wonder if it will give you the results you dream of. I can tell you this; monetizing your service business with a short book will pay you back BIG.
Ebook Writing And Marketing With A Global Perspective
By: Connie Ragen Green | 21/08/2008
Although I have eBook writing and marketing students living all over the world, most of the people I work with are located in Northern America, Western Europe, and Australia. After watching the Olympics from Beijing, China, I have begun to think differently about writing and selling eBooks.
Writing An eBook That Falls Into One Of The 6 Most Popular Categories
By: Connie Ragen Green | 21/08/2008
Ebooks come in all types and sizes, but they tend to be based in one of six categories. How-to eBooks tend to do very well, but people are actively searching
for additional information in each of these categories on a regular basis.
How To Write An eBook To Position Yourself As An Expert
By: Connie Ragen Green | 21/08/2008
People write eBooks for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they want to have a product to sell to make passive income online, or want to have something to give to people who join their list. Then there are the people who are looking for a way to gain credibility and visibility online, and to position themselves as an expert.
Blogging For Your Business: Write About Your Passion To Monetize Your Blog
By: Connie Ragen Green | 21/08/2008
Blogging for your business can be tedious, exhausting, and something you dread. It can also be exciting, thrilling, and something you look forward to with anticipation. What makes the difference? The degree of passion you have about your topic.
Syndicate Your Blog And Article Content Using Web 2.0 Applications
By: Connie Ragen Green | 20/08/2008
When you make a post to your blog these days, it is likely to appear in many more places than just on your blog. The same thing can happen with your articles. This is all thanks to the magic of syndication, which basically means that your content can be delivered to different sites in various places, giving you massive exposure all over the internet.
Writing a College Essay 101
By: Daniel Millions | 20/08/2008
Being able to write a college essay is a necessity.
More from David Bowman
Using “lay” and “lie” Correctly
By: David Bowman | 18/08/2008 | Article Writing
“Lay” and “Lie” are called irregular verbs, but “perplexing” would be a better adjective to describe them. Once you get past the present tense, they change in some surprising ways. This brief guide will help you use them correctly.
Everyone Loves Being Single
By: David Bowman | 10/07/2008 | Article Writing
Everyone is single. In the same way that married people try to "hook up" their single friends, many writers try to make "everyone" plural. It's single and should stay that way.
10 Words to Avoid When Writing
By: David Bowman | 28/06/2008 | Self Publishing
These 10 words result in unclear and unprofessional writing. However, using the 10 techniques in this article can instantly improve your writing.
R & R: Rephrase and Replace
By: David Bowman | 10/06/2008 | Article Writing
Does your writing need a little R & R? Sometimes you can revise a sentence in multiple ways. Which way is best? This strategy will help you decide.
Keeping it Simple: the Subject-verb-object Structure
By: David Bowman | 23/05/2008 | Copywriting
The most important strategy for writing clearly is to use the S+V+O sentence structure. This article discusses this strategy and provides 5 related tips for clear writing.
Adverbial Pollution
By: David Bowman | 30/04/2008 | Writing
Industrial pollution can sap the life out of rivers, and adverbial pollution can sap the life out of your writing. Two techniques clean up this problem and make your writing more lively.
Who Vs. Whom
By: David Bowman | 24/04/2008 | Writing
Knowing the difference between "Who" and "Whom" is as important as knowing the difference between "he" and "him." This isn't about style. It's about writing correctly.
It's not You. It's Me
By: David Bowman | 28/03/2008 | Writing
These words have broken many hearts, but they are good advice for writers. Writing about "you" is generally poor writing. Remember, it's about "me."
|
|
Writing 
